“Is anyone sitting here?”
Dear your name here,
Today is a good day to look at the floor of your car. If you’re anything like me, it’ll be covered with fast food wrappers and dirty napkins. If you don’t have a car, imagine yourself buying a new one, and if you’re anything like me, it’ll be covered in fast food wrappers and napkins within about a week.
Some people are naturally good at keeping things clean. Some people decorate their homes with discarded packaging. Some people (not me) have a body hidden somewhere in their home (again, not me).
Too much stuff not only clutters our view of our view of our environment, but it can make us feel as though we don’t have enough space to work. Sometimes a nosy neighbor will even call the city about the smell coming out of your place and some people will come and take away all of your cats.
It’s just not fair.
You can’t keep all of your stuff AND have a clear head.
Sometimes you hear that people with messy desks and messy workplaces are geniuses. This is because geniuses sometimes forget to clean up after themselves in a fit of smartness. Then a dumb person sees it and starts strutting around like a genius peacock.
The fact is that for the sake of productivity, it’s good to clear out all of the worthless junk you keep. Then maybe you’d be able to find a pen when you need one.
While you’re cleaning out your junk, have a look at your schedule as well. Are you using your time wisely, or would your time be better spent in prison, where at least you’d have your time scheduled for you?
Binge watching on Netflix is the mental equivalent of storing old pizza boxes under your sofa because you think they might come in handy someday.
Assignment for Day 3: Clean up your junk
1. Use the patented ‘Fix Your Dumb Life’ list to record 10 things that you get rid of so that your life will be less smelly and messed up.
2. Look at how you use your time and use the list to write some ways your time would be better spent.
Have a pleasant tomorrow,
Professor Doctor The Screaming Turkey, Md
“I can’t remember where I left my pants.”
Dear your name here,
It’s shocking, really. Shocking that people continue on fruitless journeys, overcoming obstacles day after day with no goal at the end. Hopefully, you’ve achieved your first list and you’ll have a better idea about what your goals are.
If you didn’t write ten things on it, that’s OK, you poor sod.
The practice of getting better is not going to stop there. It’s going to get better. That’s the key difference between the practice of getting better and the practice of getting worse.
Get better, not worse.
It doesn’t matter if you’re an American, Canadian, New Zealander, or of any other spiritual persuasion, you can still make your life better.
I had just turned 45 and was living in Istanbul, and I was at the end of my rope. My job, my apartment, my president… everything felt stupid. So, so stupid.
It was time to switch up the game.
The thought struck me dumb while I was sitting in a kebab shop, having a sandwich. As I gazed at the glistening meat log on the spit, the cook shaved off layer after layer of greasy meat, exposing the undercooked center of the log.
That evening as I writhed on the floor with dysentery, I remembered the meat log with its soft, pink center after the cooked outer layers were removed.
It made me smile.
I was delirious with a fever, and I was never happier.
Look inside yourself and find your soft, pink core.
You may be burned up and crispy on the outside, but on the inside you still have a bacteria-laden center.
DAY 2 ASSIGNMENT: Making a Sandwich
Shed your cooked, hardened layers. Imagine that a Turkish man with a big long knife is slicing them away and putting them on a piece of bread to give to SOMEONE ELSE.
Use the list – What is on that sandwich?
Then look at your center, rotating on the spit, dripping with blood and juice. What do you see there? Are you beef or chicken at your core?
Don’t fight it. Let someone else take the sandwich. Keep the best parts for yourself.
See You Tomorrow
Doctor Professor Screaming Turkey, MD
“I see dead people.”
Dear your name here,
Thank you for visiting The Screaming Turkey and becoming a part of our thriving motivational community! When I created this brilliant, insightful challenge, I had no idea that there would be so many desperate individuals out there thirstily lapping up the wise nectar of my words. But there are, and it’s happening!
For the next 30 (or so) days we’re going to turn you into some kind of social self-help pariah. Be sure to tell your friends all about everything you’re doing and share every minute. That’s how I make the most cash.
We’re going to take a long hard look at your sad life, warts and all (mostly warts), and transform you into a rich, beautiful bright center of the universe.
Starting today, you’re going to start conquering the world… and getting back at your stupid ex who still owes you money.
It’s easy. So easy that you should have started back in high school instead of sleeping through shop class.
You’ve already done the hard part – which is to realize that it’s time for a change. It’s time to stop fretting about what you don’t have and all of the time that you’ve wasted, and start living for the future. It’s also a good time to crack that last beer in your fridge.
All you need is an open mind.
Do you sometimes feel like a dear caught in headlights? Do you live like your life is sleeping in a tent on the train tracks, and that loud bell is dinging but you’re just too lazy to shift your fat ass to the left or the right? Do you feel like you haven’t achieved all of your potential and thought, “Hey, I need a 30-foot boat with a little cabin in it, but I can’t afford one”?
Maybe you’re not a boat person, but you should be. Boats are awesome.
Your problem is not only that you don’t like boats, but that you’re missing your chances. You are not succeeding where you want, that is why you are here. You want success. That is what The Screaming Turkey is here to help you with.
If you want to change your life for the better, join our Facepalm, I mean Facebook group for this free, inspiring, life-changing 30 (or so) day challenge. Join our warm, loving community of shape-shifting reptilians for daily inspiration and advice… daily assignments… daily work… what a pain in the ass.
Change your mind. Change your life. Join our free course. It’s free.
1. Step 1: Join our Facebook group. Write your introduction. Don’t skip on the juicy details, but please for the love of Christ make it interesting and not a bunch of “blah blah blah”.
2. Take a look around you. Ask yourself, “What in the hell have I been doing all these years?”
3. Think about the good things that you have going on in your life right now. Cherish those few, small, positive things. Hold onto them. Spend at least $50 for a good bike lock.